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I want to thank all the great people who agreed to collaborate and share their story with all of us! You might already know him as I interviewed Ben a while ago.
He has spent the last 5 years living on small islands in Okinawa. I spent five days with her family prior to popping the question and that gave me a great chance to see if I fit in with them. Of course proposals are pretty different in Japan and the US, but I managed a hybrid approach which is pretty much how I see our life together going forward.” “Back in the States there are a million ways to meet people and start up a conversation.
In my experience, most Japanese men would label the challenges caused by having a NJ wife ‘mendokusai’ (*a pain in the rear).” “In the end, Japanese women are just women as well. Usually there’s no initiative to approach men, like for example in Germany. Starting with a completely different meaning of ‘love’ in Japan, followed by the concept of ‘honne’ (本音: real feelings) and “tatemae” (建前: what she’ll tell you) to name just a few. Be prepared for a lot of disappointment.” “A lot of Japanese dudes are thinking that gaijin women are just too strong for them and that these women wouldn’t fit into the typical role of a woman in a typical Japanese marriage.
The society dictates what is acceptable, tolerable, attractive and even what will bring a man the prestige among his peers he might desire, and in most cases the women they choose either fulfill these needs or are expected to conform to them somehow.
In August 2013 Ben participated in the popular Japanese TV show Motemote 99 where he met a wonderful Japanese women. In Japan, women and men tend to socialize separately, so unless you find someone at work (which has its own issues), you’re limited in the ways you might meet a potential date.
One good option is joining a community club or activity, though then there’s no telling if they’ll fit your age range.
Living in different prefectures we never would have met without the show.” “One big difference I’ve found is that there are fewer places here in Japan where it’s seemly to approach women.
Whereas in NY– my former stomping ground — pretty much anywhere, including on the street, was within acceptable parameters as a suitable place to meet girls, here, due to certain customs and/or expectations, the number of places is significantly lower.” “Japanese Girls who are looking to get involved with a Non-Japanese (NJ) man (which is relatively few, but appears very high when applied to the number of NJ men living here) will make themselves available at places where they expect to find foreign men.